Good Friday.

A day of passion fueled by brilliant minds and intransigent equals.

Equals, that's what you said, dad.

I shall work and think my way to that level of clarity and peace.

That world of non-Guilt.:)

Just Because You Got Me On My Second Cup.

Let me somehow show a similar reflection:

Odd for a bright day. The stranger who now owns her drawer answers the phone. She becomes a gesticulating fool for a deaf man.

Yes, those shelves will be emptied soon, perhaps in his absence or while they both watch.

Yes, the scent of that distant past will waft into the air, eventually.

Yes, the strands of her hair will no longer call the carpet "home."

Yes, her laughter will turn into a long-forgotten sound.

And one bright day, oddly enough, he'll find his heart breaking. (too)

Thanks, Wook.

I never knew that that's what you've been seeing all this time.

I never knew that I've been blooming all along... all these years.

You're right though. Huli lang si Gumption.^^

This self-doubt that has always accompanied me has to be pushed off a cliff.

^^

Facets Of You, Love.

The jokester. The imbecile. The lover. The quiet. The angry. The brilliant. The fickle. The steadfast. The liar. The promising. The abandoned.

Long Months: Years.

I'm putting "and wonderful" on the second space and "ahead" before the period.

:)

Then this: For Shirley.

Not Enough Black. Not Enough Blue.

Not enough red either.

I want you binding your broken hands on that hill- once you've reached it.

I'm on the other side of your continent already.

You got too busy chasing butterflies on that path.

And I got too busy chasing the blue of that sky.

Jenny Said, Write In Images.

Her face looks confused between laughter and tears.

Her mouth opens wide to let out laughter, to let out sobs.

(Here's me trying...)

She closes her eyes.

Smiles and breathes deeply.

Opens her eyes and smiles as the music soars.

It was all worth it, she thinks.

Somehow.

(See, I will remain that faithful dreamer. That faithful believer. That faithful hopeful... this is just a small, failed test... but there are individuals out there worthy of my faith. Worthy of faith.)

So soaring I will remain.:)

And Strangely Enough.

My birthday gift to myself is an actual, sort of heehee, rebirth.:)

Wow... and the markers started on that day of the departed...

Strange...

I like it.:)

November Weepings.

I wrote those entries before as my markers for the distance I have covered from my recovery from heartbreak.

I was not able to put a last marker then...

Now I realize that it's because you cannot really put recoveries such as the one I self-imposed on a timeout of some sort. _{(Actually, I've always known this- but I've always been sort of the stubborn type. Sometimes I just refuse to acknowledge certain human "frailties.")}

You can only help yourself. Be effortlessly happy and that same happiness will one day just make you realize that that numbness has already been replaced by greater joys and expectations and certain forms of giddiness.

In the end- Shirley is enough.

Shirley is Wonderful.:)

The Truth You Think You Know, Beloved.

Is not going to remain so.

No longer.

These be the last tears you make me hold in.

Sometimes, even the closest of kin, no not sometimes but always- has to deserve affection, trust, love-- they are not mere human affectations.

The land you have tilled with your lies- I have stopped calling it home a long time ago but under the roof of that cafe I have lingered too long... now this too-faithful traveler has to look for another land.

Numbers.

I have found myself running with my memories lately.

Some ghosts decided to join in as well.

Strange thing to realize is that these wisps of faded white no longer frighten me.

They are not the monsters I thought they were.

There is a strange feeling of comfort that comes with them.:)

Gazer Gazed At.

I have always felt this way.
_{Merely gazed at.}

Random As Random Can Get.^^

Got nothing to write down, really.

Just been feeling kinda guilty for "neglecting" my blog... baka tampo na sya. Heehee.^^

Well, school's almost out but what I can't wait for is that project with Jenny.;) And the trip I get to go on for it- literally and figuratively, I'm sure.^^

I miss dad. I miss the stage.

I can't wait to be singing again...

... just thinking. At a younger age, there were rules that I broke whose consequences I really wasn't able to take or better yet, take in. Then I decided to "follow" them. Now I think I should start breaking them again.

My line from that long-ago play is true: "Please God, please, don't let me be normal."

The last thing I want to be is that... No amount of self-imposed headstarts can make it fade into the background of my life.

Sigh... all over the place I am, eh?^^

_{Taking your advice, Jenny. Just write.}